Counting down to confinement

My confinement period is coming to an end..aunty is going back soon.
Really having mixed feelings..looking forward to going to my mum place...cos afterall i feel more ease there..my mil has been very good to me..she bought me all the expensive veg/fish/meat for aunty to cook for me..each week can totalled up to a few hundred dollars..she been very nice to me so far..even helping me to clear the plates i eat..doing the even very easy task for me. But i dont know why i still hvnt adap to living tog with her..prob bec im not someone that can easily adapt to new people and env around me..i perhaps like to stay in my own world..really miss the time when me and hb hv the whole house n world to ourselves...of course by saying that, it doesnt means we dont like olivia..we love her..n we welcome her..just tht theres a lot of new adjustments to be made...like mil staying in with us. the feeling is different..the house dont seems to belong to me..in fact, i feel the most comfortable time was in the day time when only olivia me and aunty at home..and at nite when i stay in the room watching tv myself..in fact i feel hapi when mil went out for mahjong or activities...am i very bad? or im just not used to it. I even hv the question in my heart, will olivia only loves his gdma next time (when my mil take over to take care of her)..will she dont love me..will she call her first.? Books always say, bb can feel the mother n feel very comfortable when mummy carries her..but i cant feel it leh, even when i carry she can also cry very loudly..i even wonders, istz she dont like me..


It has been one month now..a lot of things really change..even towards my hb..i feel lesser of the sparks n romance..everything just revolves around olivia..whether she has poo..whether did she drink enuff..i told my hb..i dont like the plain feeling..he tried his very best to accomodate to my needs..but i just simply couldnt feel what we once hv during courtship..silly isnt it, already married still remiscing the courtship period..sometimes..i couldnt help but to just only answer to what he asked me over the phone n remaining silence rest of the time..dont feel like talking more..

Aunty going bk soon..i hope i will know what my bb wants after she left..she seems to be the only one in this world tht understd what olivia wants..im so scared i cant meet her needs after aunty left...i just hv to be strong n tell myself i can do it..i can take care olivia myself..


after confinement, finally, i can bath as normal..wash hair at anytime..wear sleevless singlets..on aircon..let the fan blow me direct...these are the super inconveniences i encounteered n i hate it the most during confinement....i find some rules very stupid..i know by disobeying, i can hv prob when im old..but i really cant follow..im very HOT..i can get stroke u know..i never ever sweat so much in my life before i thk...this is esp when im bf..bb is hot..im also hot..

Now, my everyday task is to pump feed pump feed my ger..if i dont pump..i will get engorgement.., if i dont pump..it will drips n wets my blouse..i wonder how am i supposed to go shopping next time..mus i really restrict myself to the few hours outside n hv to rush home by certain time? i couldnt possible bring a pump out right..this is really inconvenient..but wat to do..or the sake of my bb..i want her to get the best nutrients....this thur im going bk office to distribute full mths cakes to my colleagues, i told my khaki, ps help me with it, i got to rush home asap..before it drips again...